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Dschungelcamp Tag 4: Das Wendler has left the Dschungelcamp!
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Wendler gibt auf. Jetzt ist er raus. Angst vor Keimvergiftung. Familie ernähren. Seine Fans. „Die Gründe dafür waren genau so wirr und unlogisch wie seine Texte.“, meint Daniel. Aber war das nicht geplant? Niemand hat wirklich damit gerechnet. Alle dachte, seine Masken werden fallen, spätestens in ein paar Tagen sehen wir den wahren Wendler. Aber nichts da. Pustekuchen. Er gibt auf und verzichtet vermutlich auf 2 Drittel seiner Gage. Also kann er nicht pleite oder überschuldet sein. Was ist geschehen? Lassen wir die zu Wort kommen, die dabei waren.
Marco : „So als Mensch, hätt i nie so eingschätzt.“ Melli : „Diese Pissbirne.“ Mola : „Man erwischt ihn halt sehr häufig dabei, dass er einen anlügt. Er zieht hier seine Show durch.“ Winfried : „Er denkt nicht an seine Fans …“
Larissa : „Ja, ich dachte zuerst: Scheiße, das ist jetzt ein schlechter Scherz.“ Corinna : „Und also ich fand das jetzt ein bisschen schwach.“ Jochen : „Heut morgen hab ich echt gedacht, mich tritt ein Känguru. Mal ganz im Ernst.“ Melli : „Ja … was soll man großartig dazu sagen?“ Winfried : „Ich fühl mich da auch so ein bisschen, wie sagt man? Ja, so n bisschen benutzt.“
Jochen : „Der Michael könnte, glaub ich, heute morgen gar nicht fassen, warum er nicht mehr im Spiel war, warum er gar keine Rolle mehr gespielt hat beim Voting. Er hätte ja mindestens auf Platz 2 sein müssen, zumindest nach seiner Zeitrechnung. Vielleicht war das ausschlagebend dafür, dass er gesagt hat, Ok, dann steige ich aus, interessiert sich ja keiner mehr für mich.“
Wendler : „Winfried, ich möcht mich auch von dir verabschieden.“ Winfried: „Nee, ich hab keine Lust dazu. Ich find das wirklich Scheiße und das möcht ich dir auch sagen. Werte es publicity-mässig gut aus und du kriegst deine Schlagzeilen.“
„Ich bin der Meinung, Er hat wirklich, er hat ne Konzeption gehabt, bevor er herkam.“
Corinna : Wir wissen ja alle, dass er seine neue Platte rausgebracht hat und das passt ja so. Peng, Schlag auf Schlag, jetzt scheidet er auch noch aus dem Dschungelcamp aus.
Wendler : Ich hab ganz klar gesagt, dass wenn Larissa gewählt wird, dann geh ich, weil ich nicht glaube, dass Larissa heute wieder kämpft. Ich bin ein Typ, der zu seinem Wort steht. Ich bin beeindruckt, ich hätt das nicht gedacht, dass ihr so harte Knochen seit. Kuck mal, Der Wendler ist nicht hart.
Mola : Der Wendler ist einfach nur berechnend. Also, das, was er getan hat, hat er getan, weil er als erster raus wollte und die ganze Pressemeute auf sich haben will. Das, was er immer möchte: Es muss um mich gehn; Der Wendler kommt raus, Der Wendler ist da, alle gehen auf Der Wendler zu.
Tanja : Und dann hab ich gedacht: Na, Alter, das ist ja auch ganz geil jetzt, allen Leuten gegenüber, wir müssen hier noch darben. Aber wie gesagt: Wenn wir das nicht aushalten könnten oder wollten, dann bräuchten wir auch nur zu schreien. Pups. Dann ist dem Spuk ein Ende.
O-Ton Oliver Kalkofe auf Facebook : #Dschungelcamp #DeutschlandinGefahr #Wendlerkommtzurück Während Deutschland weint, weil Häuptling Kajalauge die Dschungeldisco verlassen musste, lässt Adlermoden-Model Birgit Schrowange mit ihrem Boulevard-Blasen-Team von EXTRA noch mal die durchgenudelten vergangenen Tage im Dumpfbrägen-Modus für den Durchschnittszuschauer aufarbeiten … Sonst ist nicht mehr viel passiert, ging heute wirklich nur um Probleme rund ums Klo von Wurstrückzug bis zum Brillenstrullen, mönströse Mückenbisse und die senile Wendlerflucht. Mal sehen wie es ohne den Artikel-Mann weitergeht … die Kakerlaken können erst mal aufatmen! Bis morgen dann – und Deutschland, hab acht und verriegle Türen und Fenster. Der Wendler kommt zurück!
Starermittler Kommissar Glatzenpeterchen Melli : Für mich ist er ein ganz falschen Mensch. Er ist ein falscher Mensch. Alles, was er sagt, ist unglaubwürdig und falsch. Winfried : „Also, er hat das perfekt als Geschäftsmann gemacht. Ein Geschäftsmann, der auch singen kann, scheinbar. Ich meine, ich mag ein paar Sachen und ich mag ein paar Sachen weniger. Ich mag seine Musik nicht und ich mag ihn nicht.
Also, das erste Indiz für eine Falschaussage war: Dass er gesagt hat, er würde keine Übung (Dschungelprüfung) machen. Er hat mich manchmal so erinnert an einen Mi5-Geheimagenten. Ja, und er hat viel so Gefühlsduselei von sich gegeben, die ich ihm nicht abgenommen habe. Wenn man alle total lieb findet, ist das immer verdächtig, für meine Begriffe.
Er hat die Sendung benutzt, um diese Sache zu promoten. Er muss sie nur erst mal verkaufen …“ „Das Parföhöng?“ „Nein, seine neue Platte.“
Das ist meine Einschätzung als Kriminalist, der sich 50 Jahre mit Mördern, mit Komödianten, mit, äh, Verlierern, mit Geschäftsmenschen, mit Verleumdern beschäftigt … Am Freitag kommt seine neue Platte und am Dienstag sind die Zeitungen voll, “er hat die Dödels zurückgelassen”. Wenn ein Mord passiert, muss man die ersten Stunden nutzen, um einen Mord möglichst schnell aufzuklären. Das will ich ihm ja gar nicht unterstellen, dass er unehrlich ist. Aber, dass er diese Sendung benutzt hat, um ein Bild von sich abzugeben, was er nicht ist, aber das Bild vom ihm … finde ich merkwürdig.
Kommissar Glatzenpeter: „Was ich so bisschen schmuddelig finde ist, dass ich wirklich das Gefühl habe, dass du das alles vorher geplant hast.“ Wendler : „Ich kann nicht mehr. UNd das ist der Punkt. Und alles andere, wir brauchen über gar nichts anderes Diskutieren, weil das ist falsch. Ich kann nicht mehr. Persönliche Entscheidung, für mich ist Schluß. Ich kommt mit dem Essen nicht klar. Es ist verdammt noch mal Hunger. Wir kriegen hier wirklich nur 20 Gramm Bohnen und sonst kriegen wir hier nichts zu essen. Und ich mag das einfach nicht mehr in den nächsten Wochen ertragen. Ich komm mit einigen Regelungen hier nicht klar und bevor ich euch hier zum Ballast werden, da möcht ich dann lieber gehn.“ „Ja. Ja. Und das glaube ich eben nicht.
„Das sind m.E. Sicht Falschaussagen, die keinen Mord vertuschen sollen, aber die wahren Beweggründe vertuschen sollen.
Ich hab ihm gar nicht abgenommen, dass er in irgendeiner Weise vor dem Zusammenbruch steht, im Körperlichen, Seelischen, Geistigen und was man alles so denken kann. Gar nicht. Keine Krankheitssymtome.
Du bist kräftig, du bist durchtrainiert, du hast ne gute Psyche, du bist ein herzlicher Mensche. Was willst du?“
„Meine Ambition war wirklich die Krone zu holen.“
Kommissar Glatzenpeter: „Ich glaube, dass der Wendler aus kriminalistischer Sicht, ein Mörder seiner eigenen Chance war, nämlich sich hier im Camp zu erkennen und vielleicht zu einer wahnsinnig guten Erkenntnis zu kommen.“
„Winfried, ich mag dich, aber es ist falsch, was du sagst.“ „Gut.“ „Ich glaube, vielleicht in den nächsten Tagen wäre ich dir ans Herz gewachsen.“ „*lacht* Nein, das glaube ich eher nicht.“
„Aus kriminalistischer Sicht ist der Fall Wendler abgeschlossen. Das Gericht wird ihn freisprechen, weil er gegen sich selber gehandelt hat und dabei im Grunde genommen lebenslänglich für sich bekommen hat, mit sich, so wie er ist, weiterleben zu müssen.“
„Mister Tanzbein ist weg.“ „Keiner macht uns jetzt Parfum an jeden Morgen.“
Bitchfight: MC Urinella feat. The Herpes House Band. Larissa : „Die anderen denken echt, ich bin total bescheuert, glaub ich.“ Melli : „Ja, du tust ja auch alles dafür. Samma hast du jetzt die ganze Zeit auf die Brille gepingelt?“ Larissa : „Ja, nein. Also, hingesetzt hab ich mich nicht.“
Winfried über Larissa : „Nach dem am Abend noch mal richtig aufgefahren wurde, ab ins Koma und dann wird noch mal richtig Energie geholt … Aber das ist ihre Gestörtheit. Sie macht das nicht aus Bösartigkeit. Sie müsste ins betreute Wohnen eigentlich gehen.“
Alles begann wie ein Traumurlaub im Paradies: Sonne, Freunde, Champagner. „Auf das beste Camp aller Zeiten!“ Doch dann ging es steil bergab. „Ihr seid doch wirklich alle die letzten Schrottpromis. Ich wünsch euch alles Schlechte auf dieser Erde!“
Jochen : „Der Julian hat im Moment dicke Eier, um es mal auf den Punkt zu bringen.“ Julian : Es wird der Tag kommen, da werdet ihr euch wünschen, mich nie kennen gelernt zu haben. Gabby : Egosistenschweine. Larissa : Gebst ihr mir bitte den Hörer von euerm obersten Produktionsleiter?! Ich will die Produktion sprechen. Sofort. Sofort. Da muss irgendein Systemfehler sein im Telefon. Weil ich kann mir nicht vorstellen, dass man mich 4 Mal reinwählt.“
Julian W.C. Stöckel, der Sexdiktator „Man kann hier in diesem Wurstcamp mit diesen Schrottpromis nicht mal 2 Minuten in Ruhe kacken, das steht die Wendlerin im Weg und erzählt irgendwelche Geschichten von ihren Pferdehof, die kein Mensch hören will. Man kann keine Wurst lassen und gar nichts. Und diese Österreicherin geht auch nicht. Die stören auch noch. Wenn man nicht kacken kann, gehts einem schlecht.
Verschwindet jetzt, ihr dreckigen Huren. Habt ihr keinen Anstand? Das ist hier die Betty-Ford-Klinik De Luxe für richtige abgefickte Promis, die einen hier im Trash-Dschungel ablecken können. Nichts zu fressen, gar nichts. Hier sind Models, die 80 Mal gegen die Scheibe laufen.“
Mückenalarm & Kerzenkonflikt Gabby ist zerstochen, weil >Winfried die Anti-Mückenkerze nachts ausgemacht hat. Er wollte nicht auch noch den Parafin-Duft einatmen. Der wäre Gesundheitsschädlich. Gabby soll sich gefällst geeignete Klamotten mit Langarm anziehen. Sie muss sich irgendwie durchsetzen und für ihr Recht und ihre Wünsche streiten. Winfried ist ihr sicher überlegen, er spielt das aus. Aber er ist nicht im Recht. Gabby : „Ich bin jetzt oben im Bett und hab jetzt Kerzen dagegen. Dann Winfried jetzt gar nichts mehr sagen.“ Winfried : „Mach was du willst, es ist mir scheiß egal.“
Geht doch.
Auch dieses Mal bei Ich bin ein Star – holt mich hier raus! : Brillante Musikauswahl!
Larissas Höllenfahrt mit der Spinnenlimosine Winfried : „Sag den Zuschauern, es sind Sadisten. Es sind sonne Sadisten. Ich fühle mich auch wie in einem Experiment, wo man immer nur Bohnen kriegt und langsam verrückt wird.
Möglicherweise, was ich die Hoffnung habe, dass es eine grandiose schaupielerische Leistung ist, die sie da aufbringt; dass sie jedes Mal bei den Prüfungen die Zuschauer so animiert, dass es so real gespielt ist – dass sie Spinnenphobie hat, dass sie Schlammphobie hat – und dann, dass sie irgendwann uns sagt: Hähä, ich hab das alles gespielt – weil ich das studiert habe in New York im Strasberg-Studio.“
Larissa : „Ihr könnt zur Hölle fahren – ich nicht. Ich bin schwach, ich kann nicht. Ich hab einen Nervenzusammenbruch. Sollte eine Spinne irgendwo sein: Ich … mache … es nicht. Bunkt.
Kannst du mal nachfragen, wie lange ich drin bleiben muss, dass ich meine Kohle krieg?“
Sie hats dann doch gemacht, die Ekel-Prüfung in der Spinnenlimosine mit der Champagnerdusche. Nur das mit dem Abdrehen der Sterne – die waren auf eine Schraube draufgeschraubt – hat das zunächst nicht so geklappt. Denn, erklären uns Sonja und Daniel, „in Australien dreht man den Stern andersrum ab. Welt das Land ja auf den Kopf steht.“
Und zum Champganersaufen in der Ekellimo: „Da freuen sich deine Freunde, wenn du ohne Sterne, aber besoffen ins Camp zurückkommst.“
Winfried : „Vergisst die Prüfung und stürzt sich auf den Alkohol. Ich wünschte, ich käme auf so einen schönen Einfall.“
Larrissa : „Ich habs satt in dieser Scheiße zu sein. Ich fühl mich verarscht. Ich mein, ganz ehrlich: Ich bring seit Tagen das Essen nach Hause, da werde ich mir wohl ein Glas Champagner … gönnen.
Ich war überfordert. Es ist eine Verarsche. Eine reine Verarsche.“
Und zu Marco sagt sie heimlich: „Ich hab echt Scheiße gedreht. Aber sags niemanden. Ich hab Champagner getrunken.“ „Wos host?“ „Psssst.“ „Champagner schlürfen während die anderen Hunger haben …“
Melli : „Da fragst du mich, warum du immer gewählt wirst und du so ne Scheiße machst?!“ Larissa : „Ich hab mich nicht mehr kontrollieren können.
Ich hab schon in der Früh Angstzustände. Ich hab schon in der Früh Panikattaken. Ich werd wirklich mehr machen jetzt für den Haushalt. Aber ich will nicht mehr in die Prüfung. Bitte.
Wie lange muss ich jetzt da noch drinbleiben? Nach einer Woche kann ich gehen, oder? Dann hab ich mein Geld? Ich kann nicht mehr nach Deutschland und nach Österreich. Ich muss auswandern. Ich blamier mich so.“
Sonja: „Jetzt ist es passiert – jetzt tut sie mir leid.“ Daniel: „Ja, und sie hat kapiert, dass man hier eine gewisse Zeit absitzen muss, um hier sein Geld zu bekommen.“ Sonja: „Und damit hat sie einen enorm großen intellektuellen Vorsprung einem gewissen Herrn Wendler gegenüber.“ Daniel: „Wobei ich zu seiner Entschuldigung sagen muss: Man hat ihm schon viel vorgeworfen, aber noch nie Intellekt.“
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